Everyone listen up (Hey, hey, hey… hey, hey, hey… hey, hey, hey)
If you can't write in the proper way
If you don't know how to conjugate
That people mock you online (everybody wise up)
Okay now here's the deal, I'll try to educate ya
Gonna familiarize you with the nomenclature
You'll learn the definitions of nouns and prepositions
And that's why I think it's a good time
You should know when it's less or it's fewer
You'd better slow down and use the right pronoun
Show the world you're no clown (everybody wise up)
Say you got an I-T followed by apostrophe S
You would not use "it's" in this case as a possessive (no no no)
It's a contraction (yeah yeah yeah)
"Well, it's the shortening of a word or group of words by omission of a sound or letter"
If you really wanna, leave out that Oxford comma
Just keep in mind that be, see, are, you…
Get it together, use your spell checker
Unless you're seven, or your name is Prince
You really need a full-time proofreader
To help you distinguish what is proper English (everybody wise up)
The time to learn your homophones is past due
Learn to diagram a sentence too
Always say "to whom"; don't ever say "to who"
And listen up when I tell you this
I hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis
You finished second grade; I hope you can tell
If you're doing good or doing well (everybody wise up)
Better figure out the difference
And I thought that you'd gotten it through your skull
'Bout what's figurative and what's literal
Oh, but just now (just now) you said (you said)
You "literally couldn't get out of bed" (what)
That really makes me wanna literally
Smack a crowbar upside your stupid head
I read your e-mail (yeah yeah)
It's quite apparent your grammar's errant
That was sarcastic… (aw psych!) 'cause you write like a spastic
I hate these word crimes (everybody wise up)
Think you should only write in Emoji
Go back to pre-school, get out of the gene pool
(Go away)