hello everyone and welcome back to
english with Lucy today I've got a very
special guest this is Caroline Goyder
hello and Caroline will put you like to
introduce yourself what do you do I'm
now a voice coach but for many years
well if we go back to late 90's I was a
petal teacher briefly you know I know
this was very well I remember standing
in front of my group of Argentinian
students to teach them English and being
utterly terrified being in the spotlight
and now I teach people have to be in the
yeah so today we wanted to talk to you
about how to be more confident in
different situations we've chosen five
situations and we're going to tell you
or Caroline's going to tell you how you
can feel and sound and appear more
confident and we're doing this to
celebrate International Women's Day and
their be bold for change campaign so
what are you teaching english i was
teaching in garages in Northwest poland
was just fantastic but a very unlikely
place to go after careful training i
there was a poster on the wall in my
personal school and I just went other
it was great i love Poland fantastic
yeah I've never been to Poland I have
quite a few polish subscribers so I'm
sure they would love to hear you speak
some polish and Obrecht specific about
it but in one way I know that's natural
yes yeah that's good that's like your
process you know that's your drinking
evo is a good word abuse ok i'm not you
know giving any first but I suppose I
about you had a great time and and so
what made you go into voice coaching
then when I trained as an actor I went
to drama school and that should be
honest there wasn't a great actor he and
i wanted to work in theater but I didn't
want to act so i ended up training as a
voice coach and by kind of mistake i
found a job i really really love and one
side trained as a voice coach I was like
this is actually what i want to do for
it's a great job but I fell into it
really by mistake and how long have you
been doing it now nearly 20 years wow
that's quite a lot some experience that
makes me feel very old the purpose and
what I saw that you did a TED talk about
confidence that actually how I found you
and how did you get into doing a talk
well again I mean so many things
happened by accident I was coaching for
TEDx in Brixton ok I'm the very
brilliant curated there Stephanie said
have you got a talking you and I said
so I pitched talks which is how you get
into TEDx they took it on i did it in
2014 and it had maybe three million
Wow congratulations thank you a lot of
new Thank You youtube if so today we're
going to talk about confidence in
certain situations so we've chosen five
we're going to talk about being
confident at parties on dates in present
patients in job interviews and on the
so I'm really excited about this video
because so many of you have asked me to
talk about presentations public speaking
dating and now I thought someone
extremely qualified next to me ready to
share everything that you've learned
throughout your career so let's talk
about parties first and what what
insight you have to share about feeling
confident while meeting new people at
party was so I learned a lot about this
a few years back when I was interviewing
a-list actors because I wrote a book
which was talking to other sectors about
confidence okay and i would go to people
like Helen Mirren and say so tell me
about confidence thinking that they knew
things that they were confident they
any one of the people who said she
wasn't covered it with Helen Mirren
yeah the most beautiful woman ever ok 3
right yeah and she said when I have to
go to the party after show you know that
actors go to the bar after show they
have parties before Lord all that kind
of thing so they get really really
ok and she had a great pit which is
first thing you have to do is think
about your body you know really relax
your shoulders relax your breathing
center your voice because she says I
hate the way and this is a big one for
women's day you know I hate the way that
when we get noticed as women we kind of
start screaming and shrieking and our
voices go how she said Pete your voice
nice and low and relax okay so i think
hey relax relax your shoulders center
your voice and then there are other tips
there's a really good George Clooney one
no I wish I had the same thing and
Johnny that we're the ones that got away
he his thing when you meet people is
that he imagines everybody he meets his
old friend in the way he acts and speak
for them yeah interesting and you can
just picture his face can't you you know
this that there are the muscles around
their eyes that crinkle up when we with
a friend yeah that it's called to share
and smile and it just relaxes oh ok and
try it really you don't close your eyes
or what do you do you just imagine that
you've bumped into an old friend and
that you're talking to them and you let
your brain chemistry do the rest is just
think about smiling talking to an old
friend and how you smile it that's it
and then your face relaxes your boys
relaxes you know if its brain chemistry
and they think if I've never had a clip
like that before so I'm gonna get that's
number two and the third one I would say
is as you walk through the door of the
party just think i've only got to be
ok and this was taught to me by someone
who's a real into the and she said she
was another actor and she said I used to
really drag parties but if I it's like
going to the gym you know i'm i'm not a
great one for going to gym if I say to
myself I'm only going 25 minutes when I
get there I'm much more likely to stay
cuz it's quite fun if he said hes i'm
only going to go through five minutes
and then you get there and you had a
drink and you're enjoying yourself
you're going to stay for a bit longer so
just say even if you're dreading it
i'm just going to stay for five minutes
then find someone to talk to them as if
they're an old friend and keep your
shoulders relaxed and you'll be fine and
your voice nothing that was not know
those green yeah that's okay i think
when i'm on camera I probably see with a
much lower voice and when i'm meeting
new people for the first time I would
definitely say it goes up a couple of
times so i won't be out i'll be aware of
that but that's ok so another big
question I get is about dating and this
came up recently because i made a video
about how to say dates in English and a
lot of people are excited thinking about
going to teach them about dating but
actually i was speaking about numerical
dates so how can you be more confident
was meeting someone maybe for the first
time or even the second time on a date
so I asked a friend of mine who is
brilliant dating and I said what is it
that you do and she said well actually
it's something that you told me and I
was surprised by that and she said you
taught me years ago and this is another
acting tip that when you meet someone
and you're on a date what you have to do
is think this is alyssa the real active
fit you have to think I'm beautiful
someone loves me i have a secret so the
three things three things you have to
think to yourself I'm beautiful because
it kind of gives us a little spot you
know the dates out there days when
you're not feeling that just gives you a
kind of sparkle someone loves me which
gives you his brain chemistry again it
gives you a kind of warmth and a
presence and I have a secret give you a
bit of a twinkle can actually have to
it helps okay but I don't think it was
because I should have the WikiLeaks
level just you know something at or
active to talk about naughty sword and
not a 15-foot that's a good one to have
a cousin of their family work is that a
twinkle in the eyes and it just she said
it just gives me a presence when I'm
dating or you know she's going to
parties as well that makes her shine and
that makes people it seems that your fun
where is so often in our head we've got
a kind of invoices say means that
definitely we all do we all have it
I don't date much but when i do i would
look at myself in the mirror before
handing thing or that's not right and
maybe he won't find me funny but I guess
I think about all the good things first
exactly and recognize those and I this
relates to another activity that someone
taught me which is that if you're
worrying about how it might go wrong
don't do that worried about what it'll
be like when it goes right so if you
visualize themselves on the date having
fun laughing looking really relaxed
you're gonna walk into the room much
more relaxed and that sets a really good
cycle up so it's keeping yourself
positive and only thinking about the
ok it's the inner game begin again they
ok what makes a good data though I'm
concerned for your friend if you go in a
lot or just need to do the few very well
she doesn't feel very well I could get
so what about number three or number
three is that you know when we're on a
date we feel like we have two talkin
talkin talkin talkin talkin actually you
don't mind I'd say the best places are
people who have really good asking
questions and then listening I imagine
and that's the real introverts it i mean
i'm an introvert and if i go to a party
I'm not dating anymore but if i go to a
party and I meet people and I'm feeling
I kissed offload the questions I think
that's something i dont teaching because
i used to run conversation classes and
you just have the shyest students but
once you start asking them about
themselves they feel important and then
suddenly they've got a lot say so i
guess that's good to avoid if you have
an awkward silence which is what we
dread most in dating really and meeting
new people asking from having a set of
good questions prepared probably partly
yes i think if you have two or three
stars the question is yes then really
listen and just a great follow-up
questions so if they say I really love
till they are great where you going to
Seville and it's and then if they say
well as a great cut fastball you know
tell you that type of another had it you
just you just follow the thread of the
conversation and you just turn what they
say into another great question and then
you show your engaged and that you've
been listening which is important
because sometimes you're having a
conversation with someone and you can
see that is glazed over and for that
that's horrible yet so where it can and
it will kill any spark so having to
really listen because you're going to
ask the great follow-up question is
really powerful because they feel that
wonderful thank you for those Clips so
next I'd like to ask you about public
speaking and giving a presentation
because a lot of my subscribers are at
university or they were in jobs where
they'll have to present the big group of
people in a second language within
really really tough because public
speaking I find it difficult in my own
language and doing in a second or even
third language is tough but do you have
any tips for my subscribers that I mean
that is really hard it as you say public
speaking is bad enough and doing in a
language where you don't feel faith
where you don't feel that if you go
wrong you can escape is really scary
yeah so the things i always say that
people are firstly if you're doing it in
a language that's not your first you've
so when I talk to clients about
rehearsing presentation are safe and
take your phone find voice notes on your
phone and record it now that little kid
I really go with because I when I think
in my second language which is Spanish I
will record myself and then I listen
back to it and I would know she know the
mistakes that i didn't realize i made at
the time and also you get to know better
but I feel a natural inclination to
avoid practicing is that when you feel
as well that that line that's perfectly
right after the surface we we don't want
to practice because it its kind of owner
roast it feels a bit unpleasant we don't
like hearing our voices but you really
it's like it is like going to the gym
again you know if you want to get fit
you really have to get out there and go
for a run its like before you go for
around you just have to motivate
put the recorder on and practice and as
you say when you practice you hear
what's working you hear what's not and
you learn it and so I say clients who
are English practice it three times like
that it's important if english isn't
your first language I'd say you probably
need to practice it six times for it to
yeah can we have something practice it
kind of just comes out more evenly so I
what about kit number 2 tip number two
is that you've got to get the body
relaxed and prepared so that's what i
call getting rusty what makes everything
that explains everything and roundly the
butterflies have to fly in formation so
you know in English we say that you the
best that you get butterflies in your
yes that's a great idiom if we're
nervous and you feel that funny feeling
we we call it having butterflies so
you're saying that we need to get our
butterflies information like the red
arrows like me you know that the planes
that fly in formation so you need to
take hold of those outside and channel
exactly ok because the idea is I mean is
it for performance as well said you know
anybody who's on state that adrenaline
is actually a really good thing
good adrenaline in the feeling that I
hate those nerves before a first date I
can't stand it cannot normally quite
confident person and I guess the feeling
of feeling really nervous and and the
slide I don't like what you're saying
that it's a positive it's a good thing
ok so and that so human at everybody
aight taking them and going ok i'm
this is a feeling of my power because
i'm going to stand on stage and speak
and it's also feeling of excitement
because it's it's a kind of alertness
the adrenaline it's making he's going to
make you perform better as long as you
don't say oh no here it comes now the
way that performers and athletes still
to do this is it's a lot about how you
ground yourself and how you breathe i'd
say to anybody you know before you do
something like a speech don't spend
three hours checking your email or
playing a game you know do something
calming yoga go for run go for a swim
dedicated that few things create calm
because then when the adrenaline hits
and so then you channel it if we're
wired if we've had four cups of coffee
and we'll talk to all our friends on the
phone and we've answered or emails and
we've watched that you know all of that
we're not going to handle the adrenaline
forget quiet get into the body and then
you'll be alright when the butterflies
his you'll get them flying in formation
okay and what about the third tip then
the final tip is when you walk out
onstage you know when you face the
audience you have to see them as old
friends so it's a bit like the gorge
community tip and what I do when I have
an audience's i'll spend a little bit of
time at the beginning before before the
show goes up as it were before the show
starts before I speak i'll go and talk
to people in the audience and i'll find
out for maybe three people what they
what why have they come today what are
they interested in if I can't do that
i'll actually asked the audience on
stage does anybody have any questions I
saw you do this in your TED talk and I
thought it was a really interesting
thing to do because i haven't seen
anyone else do it before and so that's
interesting to know the reasoning behind
it and how did it make you feel when you
when you speak to the people so for me
as an introvert what's scary is feeling
that everybody's looking at me about the
horrible feeling that if I'm curious
about the audience if I'm thinking how
can I help the audience get what they
I'm not thinking about me anymore and
then I'm in what's called a flow state
ok and then it's just by having a chat
is like are sitting here now having a
that's how you want to be on stage it
just happens there's a thousand people
in front of you and if you if you spoken
to fear of those people you have a sense
of why they're there and then you forget
yourself and you have a you have a role
in a purpose not being onstage
look at me i couldn't speak if I thought
it was about me but when I stepped up
for the tedx it wasn't about me it was
about helping the audience get something
wonderful thank you for those i think
those ones are particularly useful
because public speaking is something
that and having to do more and more
nowadays I get my first panel the other
day and I just found it that everyone
was old timer on it and I was the first
new person and I did find a little bit
traumatic and I definitely could have
butterflies much more efficiently goes
running the other something beforehand
Stefan good idea that i went for the
don't have the coffee no audit the
coffee green tea and around yes not the
water there for her right so another
thing I get a lot of people are studying
English they're trying to get exams to
then be able to get a job so they want
the English qualification to then be
able to get a better job and obviously
they'll have to do a chilled interview
so that's something i get asked about
do you have any tips for those people
yes and I spent quite a lot of time with
people thinking about job interviews
because they're horrible out later we're
so there are there are tips and tricks
to help you get over that feeling of
being watched because i think the first
thing to save you are you know in a job
interview you really are being observed
absolutely never getting where it is if
which is quite hideous feeling so you
firstly just have to get yourself nice
and calm and centered mhm and I think
there's something again before you walk
into the room I think about not how am I
looking at what is it that they're
looking for and visit an axis tip around
when you walk into the room just try and
help them find the right person for the
job or find the right person for the
course you know you are helping them
make a choice it's not about a judgment
on you it's about helping them think
clearly and it's when you flip your
attention hours on to what they're
trying to do it takes you into
compassion it takes you out of help
everybody's looking at me everybody's
judging me after you came to your
perspective slightly yes i like that
definitely because you know you might
not be the right person for the job and
that's okay and do something you have to
accept and and that might make rejection
and little bit easier as well i always
think if there's somebody I like and
they don't like me back i always trying
think well it wouldn't have worked
anyway because there wasn't the right
person so if we apply that to the job
interview since you're remembering yeah
and that improve improve your confidence
exactly so what about tip number two
then so breathing is really important
yep because what you know you get a
horrible question don't you think it's
the moment when someone asks you a
really horrible question the Western for
me would be described your weakness of
the floor that question but they asked
all the time they want to see how you
respond so you think I should breathe
remember to breathe now okay so how you
breathe is important because what most
of us do when a really horrible question
comes we kind of go with breathe here we
and it's a bit extreme that but there's
a kind of chest breath is happening
yeah that breath is not helping you what
you want to do is breathe into your back
so if you notice your back ribs just
kind of feel your back ribs and notice
that if you breathe out through a little
kind of blowing out birthday candles
breath and then wait for the breath in
yeah breathing into the back exactly
softer it's karma and it relaxes your
shoulders relaxing you and it's making
you seem calm under pressure which is
when people give you a job because you
seemed calm under pressure so breathe
into your back and the tip the secret
tip is imagine a lovely smell i move
luckily smell great haha that's always
sorry guys you can't smell her but not
lately right so what about the third kit
then the third tip is a very famous when
it comes from that one of the economics
editors on BBC radio today immunity for
radio today which had breakfast show on
BBC radio 4 which is worth listening to
and the guy dad he was economics editor
is a chapel Simon Jack and I asked him
for the second book which is called
gravitas what he sees in good CEO's that
he interviews when they come on air on
radio 4 and he said the thing they
all do is they set out there still went
through question they don't look
straight into it they'll say something
oh ok so they're kind of introduce say
what they're going to say and then say
exactly I i get in a bit of a panic I'll
try and get as much information as I
knowledgeable about the topic topic but
you're saying it's better to just
okay i mean if the question you then you
probably don't have to do this but it is
when the questions tricky and you go
yeah it's that moment as three things
and it forces you to structure and so
you need that breath because I think
about the order as well so tip 2 and 3
go together quite nicely organized
ok very interesting right been asked
topic they were going to cover today is
because my students really really
struggle with listening in english and i
always want to do their example sure you
seen as well speaking will be quite high
reading and writing we really high
listening is always a bit of a struggle
on and it's because you can't read the
net you can't read the body language and
so and then also the voice on the
telephone gets a bit distorted so how
can my students feel more confident on
the telephone because it's an essential
part of life it will go hard only that
whole thing that we can't see the other
person you can't see their reaction so
you don't know whether they like what
you're saying it's tricky and add the
first pick for causes another active and
it was an actress called animasi he's no
longer with her she's died sadly she
said when I on the phone to someone I
picture them sitting on a sofa it like
this you know sitting at home and even
if I haven't met them I imagine what
they look like okay and it's a nice
imagination if it helps you kind of
change into that person be curious and I
do this even with corporate clients if
I'm talking to someone i imagine where
they're sitting you know what they're
wearing what they might look like for
I engage with them as a real person
rather than this strange disembodied
voice the visualize the person you're
okay I like that and then you can kind
of imagine their body language anyway
and try and listen to the voice and work
out what they're what they're feeling
and response to your what you're saying
exactly forces us to really pay
yes they didn't miss anything so the
second tip is more of a speaking tips in
a way because it's something that partly
comes from my careful teaching you know
years ago with that one of the things
that when we're speaking English you
know something i think you talked about
as well that helps us as listeners its
emphasis ok and the iambic English has
what's called really an iambic
pentameter which is like Hamlet yeah you
know if you think it to be or not to be
there's a kind of dee-dum dee-dum didn't
render down yeah and lots of languages
of you know you know spanish doesn't
have that is a different kind of rhythm
so when you're speaking on the phone if
you really hit the nouns and verbs in
particular the meaning words you give
them a little bit of punch you can
actually punch the words you're talking
if they can't see you so hi my name is
Caroline you know we're going to be
talking about emphasis i'm hitting with
my hands the important words if they're
on the phone they were no just as long
as they don't forget they're on a skype
call ya don't sweat this but I was like
me with my podcast for the day really
embarrassing moment i was on a podcast
interview and I thought it was just
audio so I was that they're in my
dressing gown my bathrobe until I reread
the email 10 minutes before and realized
it was being filmed so very embarrassing
modern life yet but luckily I wasn't
pointing out the web but I should I
should do that from the telephone if
they're on the telephone you can do
great and what's your final tip and
final tip today actually the fireplace
the finances of today is if you are
nervous about it cool if you need to
make a great impression stand up and up
ok i always see my dad doing and my dad
is a the managing director neither with
around the house on the phone I thought
it was because he has a bad knee but
maybe it's because it makes me feel more
confident it's powerful and maybe the
bad news as well but it's also you know
its powers up your voice it's easier to
have thousands when you're standing it
gives you more energy to help you feel
more relaxed it helps you breathe and it
basically sound better simply okay yeah
i actually find myself naturally wanting
to stand up and go and look out of a
window or something on a telephone
yeah I can see that working the final
tweet to that which is what voiceover
artists through you know if you have
anything over a movie like saying or
something gesture so they'll be standing
in a voiceover studio and they they go
crazy with gesture because what they
know is that gesture orchestrates the
information of the voice so if my hands
are high my voice goes is my hands and
my voice goes low so stand up hold that
they receive it to one here will get
yourself on speakerphone and wave your
arms about and you will to match what
you're saying not just randomly but it
will give you more power more energy and
you'll be easier to listen to wonderful
really really good tip thank you very
much and actually for anyone who wants
to take their telephone English that
further Caroline have got an audio
course all about having confident for
speaking on the telephone and it's
absolutely free so if you're interested
in that then there is the link in the
description box and you can check this
well Caroline it was a pleasure to have
you on today thank you so much I feel
like I've that late i hope you guys have
learned a lot as well if you're
interested in hearing more from Caroline
and all of her information and social
media is in the description box and you
can also go and look at her TED talk
which has three million views now
amazing she's beat me on the View for
so yes thank you very very much for
being my guest my day thank you and
remember be bold for chains and make a
change in your life and be more
don't forget to connect with me on all
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